Update on Life

Logan and Clark Kent in the house.

Some of the baby goats.

Clark on a chair in the house. So cute. He is potty trained.

Happy President's Day. Seems like there is always some kind of holiday. I guess that is good since I get the day off.

I have been having so many emotional days lately. I am on meds and yeah for that, but I find myself crying more. I go from up and happy to sad and feeling very alone. This is a hard time for me. Altho Bob would just call me a cry baby, I don't care. I am very emotional. I cry at commercials, I cry at TV shows, I cry at work when a child is hurting. That is how I am wired. Women are more that way.

I am trying to pay bills, and plan for the future. I can't stay here because I just can't afford the rent. I really can't afford rent and utilities anywhere. I do not want to leave this place. The landlords are so wonderful, and I am so close to my mother and father in law, by heart and by distance. I love the views here, the quiet, the animals,- horses, alpacas, goats, sheep, cows. God is the provider and I am leaning on Him to guide me. I guess I still haven't let it sink in that Bob doesn't want me anymore. It hurts too much. It really, really hurts me. Bob is so different from me, and I did have a lot of great times with him. I like to talk things out and solve problems, Bob would rather give up. Give up almost 12 years of 'us', give up trying, give up counseling after only one time, give up on being the head of our household. God is #1 in my life. I continue to pray for Bob's heart. God can heal anything. Even us.

If Bob reads this, I am sure he will say I am writing this as a "Poor Gail" thing. Whatever you want to call it, so be it. Rejection sucks and I hate it. I am glad Jesus doesn't reject us. This is my therapy.

I thank my family and some of Bob's, for all the verbal support they have given me. It's good to be loved. My friends have been awesome also. Shoulders to lean on. Now if I could win the lottery, I'd be set. I am scared to death of the lack of money I make, no jobs available around here, and paying monthly bills. I love my job. I don't want to quit. It just pays so little. Summer is no work. I hope something good happens.

Other than that, I had a very quiet Valentine's Day. I visited my Mother and Father in law for a few hours, and then I went out to dinner with sister in law, Melissa for her Birthday. I got to play with their baby goats, and hug my In laws horses. It was a nice day.

Sunday I went to church to do my nursery duty. So fun with little ones. Our new church building will be ready to move into soon. It is so much bigger than where we are right now. It will be a blessing to our growing church family. We have 4 services every week. We have over 700 people every Sunday and growing. When I started going to it, there was only between 200-400 a week. I love the The Vineyard Church. I love worshipping. Can't sing enough to the Lord. So I best be getting to bed. I have to work tomorrow after a 4 day weekend. I miss the kids. Have a nice week. Oh and Happy Birthday Bob on the 22. Ciao 4 now. Keep prayin!!!!